so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
