I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
