I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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