I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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