I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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