I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
