What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
