i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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