I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
