i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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