You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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