Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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