it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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