Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
