really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
