Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
