my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My ass is underappreciated
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
