I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I touched a dick in church today
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
