just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
