in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
