Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
