I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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