that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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