so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
