so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
