I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
