I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
