Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
