did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
