Banned from zoo.
Again?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
