Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Someone shit on the floor
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
