Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
