I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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