I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
