I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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