Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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