We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
