It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
