hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
