You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
