No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
