Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
