This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
