Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
