Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
