You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
