I need help removing her.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
