hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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