Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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