Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
