so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
