So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
