Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
